Oftentimes, I find myself subconsciously debating whether my story is worthwhile or not.
Whether it is just one of those stories where a teenager suddenly realises the harsh realities of life, a "Cannon Event," as they say, or if it is something that actually needs to be acknowledged more often to let others like me feel known.
What do teenagers actually aspire to be? Ask any child about what they want to be when they grow up, and you'll hear all the job options many of us can never even consider as a prospect and will also never consider as a prospect. An actor, a singer, a dancer, a policeman: An engineer, a doctor, a professor, an accountant. A significant involuntary jump, I'd say.
I myself took this jump.
At 5, I was a singer, well-trained in Indian classical music. At 8, I was a good orator who performed in Nukkad Nataks. At 10, I was a writer who had just now written a few poems and short stories. Somehow, I never outgrew the writer in me, but still, at 19, I am a Computer Science Engineering student. The summer before my college started was highly intense as I had filled out forms for competitive exams that anyone who wanted an engineering degree would take. After giving a mediocre performance in all the tests and being tired of my father's constant side-eye, I decided to talk to him about how I thought that I should pursue a degree in literature. That day made me realise how equally clueless I and my father were when it came to my prospects because out of all the reasons he could've stated for him not having enough confidence in me pursuing a literature degree, he went on to say "Beta, these degrees are for kids who have big bank accounts to handle their futures, who just want a leisure degree not for middle-class people like us.", how was I supposed to argue with a father whose concern was how financially stable I would be in my twenties, I honestly cannot say that I did not have my fair share of doubts, I knew if my father had said yes, I would have to hear my share of taunts, looks and judgements.
Do I blame myself for not trusting my passion enough and taking the path that many before me have taken without a question? Yes, I do, but is it completely my fault? No, I do not think so. Remember the time after 10th grade when we all had to choose a stream, majorly divided into 3 streams, Science, Commerce and Humanities. A very default hierarchy has been given to these streams, a kid who chooses science is looked upon with utmost confidence no matter how badly he is failing in physics and calculus, a kid with commerce is looked upon as the middle child where they don't hate or like the stream enough to have a consolidated opinion, but humanities...... choose humanities and see your worth go crash landing in the Indian Market of Expectations from Kids. How can you blame me for having second thoughts about my passion when the entirety of people around me have told me that what I call passion is only good till it is a hobby and not a profession?
Yes, I made my choice. Maybe it is too late to take a U-turn now, but something that I have realised now is that no matter what I pursue, nobody can take what I have from me and lessen my affection for writing.
Worthwhile or not, this rat race of who becomes the better hamster made me realise how I was suppressing what made me stand out. My fear of "what if?" made me follow the conventional and safe path but the thought of "what if I write my story and this becomes the new conventional path?" made me want to stop doing my C+ assignment and say that I want to redefine my cannon event and be an engineer who dances, acts, writes, cooks, an engineer who does anything but engineering. So, whatever your passion might be about, vlogging, writing, dancing etc. that the society ridicules over at as a hobby, hit a pause on that second thought, take your time, write your story and prove them wrong because the reality is that with a new day they will have a new kid to judge and mislead but you may not have a second chance to do what you love. Seize the moment, trust in yourself and the process, let go of the doubts, and just take that leap of faith because even if you do hit a bump on the way, it's always better to learn from your own mistakes than from the choices that were made by others for you. Here's my story. With love.
PS.: Apologies to everyone whose ambition is to pursue engineering truly; you do you !!
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