It was a usual sunny day, when I, a single 45-year-old male, went to buy bread and milk. That was the breakfast I was having for 25 days out of 30. You must be thinking that rest days which must be Sundays or my holidays, I must be having something nice and different for my breakfast.

No, my friends for those five days, either I skipped breakfast or had some leftovers from dinner. Life is as monotonous as it sounds with little room for any adventure, fun or love up until this morning.

You must be thinking again that there is some twist or fun or unusual at last but No! My friend, this was more disaster.
Lonely and awkward as I was, slipped and fell into a puddle of water and fractured my ankle. And the only funny thing in this entire episode (for others and not for me, of course) was that I kept lying in that small puddle for a good 10 minutes and no passerby thought to help me get up.
They all must have thought that I was drunk and fell, considering how small the puddle was.
Pathetic and loser, that’s what you are thinking at this point.
Ah! Right, but that’s going to change.

You must be thinking, What? Is there another tragedy? No, my friend, wrong again.
This time, it is a life changer.

So, the whole pathetic drama of me lying in that puddle where no one can imagine of falling, brought something good.
After finally managing to get up and going to a nearby clinic painstakingly, I found a book or should I call it a ‘TREASURE’ for me, there. It looked like a cheap thriller, like the ones sold on bus stops but the title and cover attracted me a lot. While getting the plaster and everything, I got hooked to it and after getting everything done, I just slipped the book in my bag. My bag with milk and bread. Yes! I still had that.

I am not a kleptomaniac or anything, but it just happened. I just couldn’t let go of it and so it went inside. I didn’t take the pain of asking anyone, as it is they must have charged me a lot for just the plaster.
However, I made this logic later for my action; at that moment, I just did it.

Despite the plaster, I rushed home to finish the book. I don’t know how much time I spent with it, but I got up only after finishing it. I can estimate time by the fact that by the time I got up and opened the milk packet, it had gone bad.

And it is after reading this book and first wondering why I wasn’t reading books this whole time, I decided to write my own. You must be thinking me to be foolish that just after reading one book, I am thinking of being a writer, but it felt like a surge, a surge of emotions, something I hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

After eating just two pieces of raw bread with nothing else, I sat to write. My urge to write was increasing but so was the grumble of my stomach, so I didn’t have time to prepare anything else for me to eat. It was like words would overflow through my head if I didn’t sit to write but to my anguish and disappointment, I couldn’t write a single word for the next half an hour. And after another half an hour, the only word I managed to write was ‘ME’.

Tears started swelling up in my eyes. I had lost enough battles without shedding a single tear but today seemed like the heaviest blow. I was not prepared to lose. I had to do something…

With this resolve, I started to pace left and right… fast, fast, faster, till I fell. Remember, I had plaster on. Foolish me. And what followed was loud wails. I had to stuff cloth on my mouth to muffle sounds, or else the entire building or even passersby must have wondered about what was happening here.
After some time, I recollected myself and started thinking again.
I realized I had no motivation. But there was just one factor, which vaguely resembled motivation for me; a girl living in our society. I loved watching her, I never said even a single word to her, never went close, just watched from afar, but in this entire monotony, she is the only one who provided me with some sort of spark so maybe, just maybe she is what people call ‘muse’. So, maybe she is my ‘muse’.

I needed to see her, maybe looking at her will get me to writing.

But I never registered anything about her except for her face. She lived here but where? I didn’t even see her flat. I used to stand in my balcony and watch her coming and going and sometimes talking to someone. Funny thing, I never even registered the person whom she was talking to, but just her.
Oh God! I needed to find these things about her.
I hurried towards the balcony. I stood there long enough that the sun turned into flickering stars. I don’t like the word twinkling; it is for kids.

I thought it’s all in vain, maybe I was just imagining her. Sometimes, I do this, I imagine things, which are not even there, so does she exist or not?

I was getting all welled up and worked up when I saw her getting down from an auto. Her long, beautiful, straight hair moving a bit like a rhythm. Wait! Did she get a haircut, they are definitely at least 2 inches shorter than they were yesterday. Why did she get a haircut, she has beautiful hair.

OH NO! I am slipping again; I need to be focused.

I went out of my flat quickly and rushed quietly towards the society entrance to find out where does she live.
Luckily, I was there in time to get a peep on which floor she is going to and, in some time, I was able to figure out her flat number. She didn’t look at me, she didn’t see me and that was not even my intention.

I HAD TO SEE HER!

I came back to my flat and sat to write again. This time, at least I started with 2 complete pages, which were mostly about her and then I was stuck again.
That’s it, it means I had to see her again. But how?
Should I wait in my balcony till morning when she goes outside? No, these small tactics won’t work anymore. I had to find better ways.

I HAD TO GO CLOSER TO HER!

I decided something and took a bowl from the kitchen and came out of my flat. I dragged myself to her flat and rang the bell. Fortunately, she was the one to open the door. I had a good look at her, as if looking at her will quench my thirst more in some way but I lowered my gaze before her being uncomfortable.

“Hello, I stay upstairs. I ran out of sugar and couldn’t go out. Can I please have some sugar?” I said pointing to a bit towards my plastered leg and looking as meek as possible.

She nodded her head and took bowl from my hand and went inside. This made me wonder if she had noticed me earlier as she didn’t even confirm if I lived here, what’s my name, my flat number. Is she so trusting of everyone?
No, no! she must have seen me here sometime. I was arguing with myself when she came back with sugar and handed me.
“Thank you”, I said, again having a good look at her.
This time, she flinched a little, which meant I should stop looking and go. For the first time, I found myself registering her completely and not just the face. She was perfect. She must have noticed that too and that’s why she flinched again.

She is a good girl.

I quickly nodded Thank you again, this time with a polite smile and dragged myself back.

I couldn’t sleep now; I started to write again. My words flowed and I could feel her scent still hitting me, but this might be becoming an addiction. I needed to see her again! I couldn’t keep going for sugar, I needed to find more details.

I started registering things about her, her time of coming and going, who is she with, who else is going to her flat and stuff like that. I was stealthy in my action, and I was able to collect all this data in 3 days. Luckily there weren’t many people living with her. Just her mother and one maid who used to come for work at fixed times once in the morning and evening.

After these 3 days, despite the fact that I dragged my feet a lot, my plaster got removed. But at this time, I had also figured out a plan of how to get close to her. As I was writing my story, I needed her not just as my muse but also as the main character of my story.

YES! The story was about her.

And now, according to my plan, when my plaster was removed, I went to her place again. This time, I used the information I collected to figure out a time when door will be opened by her… MOTHER.
Yes, the mother! I had to take her mother in my confidence if I had to go near her.

“Hello Aunty”, I smiled brightly as she opened the door. She seemed surprised and a bit taken aback.
Oh no! Did I smile too brightly? So, I lowered down my excitement a bit and said in a little normal voice.
“I live upstairs. I had a plaster on my feet and couldn’t go out for a while so borrowed some sugar a few days back. Just wanted to say Thank You for the help”, I took out a small gift pack I brought with myself and gestured towards her.

She hesitated a bit, looked at me and then relaxed a bit. I dressed impeccably today and dare I say, I looked handsome.

“It’s okay beta. What are neighbors for? Don’t worry. Is your leg fine now?” She went on.

“Oh yes, I am fine now. But I insist” I gave the gift pack in her hand and said the last line a little loudly as she hadn’t come out yet and that would have failed my plan.

But it worked!

“Who is it, Ma” she came out and looked at me.

“Oh, Hello! How is your leg now?” She said recognizing me. That’s a good sign.
I gave a bright grin.

“I am fine, thanks to you,” I said smiling brightly.

“I didn’t do anything. It was just a little sugar”

I have started staring at her. I shook myself to come out of it. I can’t afford to be awkward.

“Small help goes a long way, as they say” I kept smiling and looked at her mother.

I had to look normal; I reminded myself.

She didn’t look convinced, but her mother was comfortable now.

FIRST MILESTONE ACHIEVED.

“Come on Beta, come inside. Have some tea” her mother now looked smilingly at me.
My plan worked.

“No Aunty, not today. Some other time” I said now very politely.
I shouldn’t seem too desperate. I had to be slow and steady.
I needed to gain her trust. I had to be close to my muse, my leading lady.

I had to check her habits.

SHE HAD TO MATCH MY CHARACTER.

I said goodbye with a promise to have tea sometime later.

I started keeping watch on both of them and noted their routine diligently.

I had started frequenting their house now, with her mother being so comfortable with me to assign me simple tasks like watching over a plumber or tending to broken switches or things like that whenever in need. Amidst all this, I found a perfect time to install spy cam in all the rooms.

Now, I can watch her anytime.
I had to do this. I had to SEE her, and understand her completely.

SHE WAS MINE.

My book was shaping nicely.
Now, I just had to make her kill my mother.

Yes! I have a mother, who is in a coma and so of course is bedridden.
A caretaker comes every day to tend to her needs. Many a times, I tend to forget if she is really there or just a fragment of my imagination. For instance, for the last few days, I was so engrossed in my book, my muse that I had to fight myself to see if she was real.

Or is she? Don’t I live alone here?

Ok, let’s go back to the story. She needs to kill my mother because I am getting drained both emotionally and financially, due to the condition of my mother. She has been in a coma for the last 6 months and that’s draining. She needs to kill her and let her go to bring me back to life. But now, how will I make her do this?

I start pacing again. Sweat drops start forming on my forehead.
I need to bring her here. This is where she needs to plan it meticulously.

This is when it struck me that she had never been to my house. That’s insane!
How can I be so impolite not to invite them here when I have been to their place so many times?
Oh! Before bringing her here, I will have to make a few adjustments in a few things, hide a few things. Make the place look like a normal house.

Tonight, she is going to be here. TONIGHT!

Yes, I resolved, but HOW?

I hadn’t cooked anything but dal rice for a long long time. Yes, I cooked my own food. Doesn’t that make me an eligible bachelor?

I will cook for her today. We will have our last meal together and then when she kills my mother, I will have to kill her. I will explain this to her today.

I rushed to her flat and invited them for dinner.
They readily accepted my invitation and were pleasantly surprised to know that I cook. Told you, this makes me more attractive.

It’s sharp 7:30, why are they not here yet. She needs to learn to be punctual.
My leading lady is never late. I was getting anxious but by 7:40 bell rang.

I opened the door and escorted them inside nicely.

After a little tea, I served dinner.

They hadn’t noticed my mother yet.
I was observing her mother and soon enough, she was drowsy. I had dosed her with heavy sedatives.
Now, she looked concerned about her mother. I helped her and took Aunty to my room so that she can take rest.

Oh! I forgot to tell that I had already sneaked away her phone.

Now, her mother was unconscious. She was very disturbed and started looking for her phone everywhere which was nowhere to be found. She asked for my phone to call doctor.

I HAD TO CALM HER DOWN.

She had a task to do. Why is she not understanding? She just has to go inside. Remove the life support of my mother and then tell me about her. But no, she is just yelling and running towards the door.

This shouldn’t happen.

I ran to hold her and tried to explain to her again, now on gunpoint.

She looked scared. I take her inside. It seems like she is not able to comprehend anything.

“Come on, quickly” I yelled.

She moves and fiddles near the bed. I go near her and give her clear instructions again about what to do. She looks puzzled, and I yell again.
She moves her hands quickly and the machine sound goes flat.
She looks everywhere in blank.

“You killed my mother. She is dead” I yell.

“There is no one here”, she says meekly.

I was getting impatient. I had to kill her now. She is making me mad.

I looked at my mother. She had blood all over. Why does she have blood all over? She just removed her life support system. She did not get shot.

BLOOD IS OOZING FROM EVERYWHERE. HOW?

I was not able to take it anymore. I started screaming. She looked very scared. Everything started blurring in front of me.

I kept screaming, with gun in my hand.

I think I went unconscious.

I woke up on a bed, I don’t after how much time.

My hands were paining. I tried to move my hand to ease them.

WHAT? THEY ARE HANDCUFFED TO THE BED.

Where am I? It seems like a hospital, maybe.

A nurse came inside, looked at me and went back outside. I yelled.

A doctor-looking person entered the room after some while. He looked familiar.

WHY DOES HE LOOK FAMILIAR?

“Let me go. Why am I here? Why have you tied me?” I started screaming again.

He tried to calm me, but I was literally pulling at my handcuffs.

I remembered something and then hurriedly said, “She killed my mother. Where is she?”

He tried to calm me again. I was yelling and screaming, shaking hard enough to move the bed.

“I am just writing a book. It was all a plot. Let me go” I kept screaming.

It was then he showed me photographs of my mother, covered in blood. I was shook.

“You killed her.” He reminded me calmly.

“NO, NO! She killed her yesterday” I again screamed, shaking vigorously.

“Not yesterday, 10 years ago.” He again showed me a photograph of a person who looked like a younger ME in handcuffs.

“No, this is all a story. She killed my mother and then the hero had to kill her. Try to understand.” I said again, less screaming this time.

The reality was getting blurred again.

“Remember, you have been here in this mental institute for the last 10 years” He tried to remind me again.

I vehemently shook my head that I started feeling dizzy. I thought if I shook myself hard enough, I would come out of this. I am still in the story. No, No! they are getting some injection ready.

“NOOOOOOOOOO” I scream again.

Reality or story. I give up!!!