Sohini came to Kolkata to sell her parents house. After her marriage with Shubhendu she went to Delhi with him. Shubhendu was a professor of history of Delhi University. Sohini was the only child of her parents. Though she was brought up in a joint family. When she got married at the age of twenty four her grandmother Ashalata was alive. Sohini had a great bond with her granny. She called Ashalata as Thakuma( in Bengali Thakuma means dad’s mom). Her Thakuma loved her very much. They slept together. At night in bed Ashalata told her many stories of Bangladesh from where they came to India. Sohini never went to Bangladesh but after hearing stories from Ashalata she imagined a lot about this country.
Ashalata had six children. Three sons and three daughters. Her husband Manmohan had a big grocery shop in Bangladesh at Noakhali district. They belonged to a middle class family. Manmohan suddenly decided to move from Bangladesh to Kolkata in Jadavpur. Before coming,her two elder daughters got married in Bangladesh. After seven years of coming, Manmohan died after suffering some sickness. Sohini was only one year old then.
Ashalata’s eldest son Ashok was a government employee. Middle son Ashish was good at study and the third son Arjun was fourteen years younger than Ashok. He looked very different from other siblings .He was very tall and dark. In Ashalata's family everyone was fair. One day Arjun left their house without saying anything to anyone and no one knew where he had gone. Ashalata cried a lot for her youngest son. His brothers tried many ways to get him but failed.
Sohini was the daughter of Ashok. Ashok and his youngest sister Anima got married on the same date. Manmohan chose his friend’s daughter Malini for Ashok and son Sanjoy for Anima.They were palti ghar (palti ghar means some blood connection of ancestors).
Ashalata was a very fair, beautiful and short height lady. After Manmohan’s death she stopped wearing colour saree and started eating veg food like Bengali widows .She always wore white saree with different colour borders except for red. Married Bengali women put red sindoor on their hairline. But after the husband's death they are not allowed to touch sindoor or red colour .
She had a bunch of keys dangling from the hem. She was the head of the family. She looked beautiful with a smile. Ashish wanted to go abroad. So Ashalata sold his portion of empty land and gave him money to fulfill his desire. Ashish went to America. Ashalata gave the house in Ashok’s name and a few portions of land to Arjun’s name.
Sohini’s mom Malini was very weak in health. She died while giving birth to her dead second child. Sohini was then only four years old. Her resistance power was very weak. She felt sick very easily. It was Ashalata who took great care of Sohini and brought her up with mom’s love.Little Sohini became Ashalata’s best friend. Her Thakuma was her entire world and the hope of her life. Every night before sleeping Ashalata had to tell her many stories. Generally Ashalata was very cheerful but sometimes she cried. Sohini didn't understand the reason.
Ashok didn't get married twice after Malini’s death. He became mentally sick. Ashalata handled everything including cooking and household work.She looked after Ashok. At that time she was the strongest person of their family.She kept herself very fit. She started her day with exercise. Reading the newspaper was her regular habit.Though she studied upto class eight.
After class twelve Sohini got admission in a university. One day after coming from college in the afternoon she saw Ashalata was crying silently. Her eyes got swollen. She asked,” Thakuma , what happened to you? Why are you crying?” Ashalata wiped her eyes with the pallu of her saree and replied,” Nothing happened. Today is Arjun’s birthday. You know, in the early morning after bathing I cook Payes( Payes is a dessert recipe of milk with scented rice and sugar with dry fruits.It is a Bengali ritual to cook Payes on birthday.) every birthday for my children. But today I forgot.” Sohini hugged her and said,” Oh Thakuma, don't cry. It's not your fault. Uncle Arjun left this house so many years ago. How is it possible for you to keep everything in mind at this age?”Sometimes I am surprised to see your memory power.” Ashalata muttered,” You will not understand how unlucky my son is! I didn't do anything for him. I separated him from his dad. He never got dad’s love.” Sohini didn't understand what Ashalata was saying. She tried to stop her. Ashalata’s tears always made Sohini very sorry.
Sohini fell in love with Shubhendu in the first year of university. Shubhendu was four years senior to her. He was doing masters in history. Sohini told everything about Shubhendu to Ashalata. She wanted to meet him. So one day Shubhendu came with his parents to visit. Ashok and Ashalata liked him. Both families decided to get them married after finishing university.
Time passed. Ashalata became older. She started forgetting lots of things. Sometimes she spoke incoherently.But she never forgot to keep her Almirah neat and clean and lock it. One day before Sohini's marriage Ashalata told her,” Sohini, my darling, you are very lucky to have your lover as your husband. All the women are not so fortunate. Keep this relationship strong.” Sohini smiled mischievously and said,” Thakuma, why are you saying it? You also got Grandpa, your great lover. Am I right? Hun,” Ashalata didn't reply, only took a deep breath.
In Sohini’s marriage everyone came including her uncle Ashish with his American wife Rossie and one son. Her aunts and their family members came from Bangladesh. Around one month the relatives stayed at their house. Their house was decorated beautifully and it became like heaven with fun and enjoyment. Only Arjun was absent. Ashalata distributed all her jewelleries to Sohini and with her daughters. She couldn't stop her tears at the time of Sohini’s vidai( vidai is a ritual of leaving the bride her house). Sohini also hugged her Thakuma with tears.
After her marriage Sohini went to Delhi with husband. Everyday she talked with dad and Ashalata over land phone. After one year one day Ashok got a heart attack. Sohini and Shubhendu came hurriedly but Ashok didn't survive. Ashok’s death was a terrible grief for Ashalata. At that time she was ninety three. She said with lament,”God has given me punishment for my sin.”
After that incident Sohini tried to take Ashalata to Delhi. But she did not agree to leave her husband’s abode. Sohini arranged for a full- time caregiver. Ashalata didn't live more than six months and she passed away.
From that time their house was locked up. Sohini didn't want to sell it due to Ashalata and Ashok's memory. There was a caretaker who looked at their house. But without proper maintenance for fifteen years some portion of the house was broken down. Her uncle Ashish advised her to sell it before causing any big problem to the neighborhood.
So Sohini talked with a broker. The client wanted to see the papers of the property. That's why Sohini came. She unlocked Ashalata's room and opened her almirah. She knew that her Thakuma kept everything safely in that almirah. While searching with the papers she got an old book there she got an old letter written by Arjun to her mom. It was like that .
“ Dear Ma,
I don't know what I should do with my fate. I will be happy or sad to know my real identity. Yesterday I got Mizanur’s letter from your jewelry box. He loves you. He wanted to make a family with you. From childhood I saw how my dad hates me. He never talked to me nicely. I didn't understand the reason. You always tried to cover it. I always was curious why I look different from everyone in this family. From the letter the mystery gets solved. Mizanur is my real dad. I tried to get more clues but didn't get anything. I know you hid everything. So I am going to Bangladesh to get my dad back. You don't have courage to say that you still love him. Rest of my life I will stay with him. Don't search me. I will not come back again. Stay happy with your other children. Forget me and forgive me. But I will never forgive you.”
Your unfortunate son
Arjun(6/4/74)
By reading this letter Sohini was surprised. She started searching the whole almirah to know more about the incident. At last she got another letter written by Ashalata to her. It was like that .
My dear Sohini,
This letter is only for you my love. I wanted to give it to you after your marriage. I couldn't do it in fear if you don't forgive me. I was born in a rich family in Bangladesh.I was the only sister out of my three elder brothers. That's why I was very dear to everyone. My dad gave my name Ashalata meaning hope. He admitted me to a village school ignoring the society where girls should not go to school. They studied at home and then they got married at a very young age. My grandmother opposed my schooling. She had a belief that if girls study more they become widows early. My dad was broad minded and he believed in girl’s education. Most of the students were boys and few girls studied in our school.
I was promoted to class seven .At that time a young Muslim teacher joined our school. His name was Mizanur Islam. He was a tall ,dark and handsome young man. We looked at each other and smiled . Slowly I started liking him. When he looked at me I felt so happy that I can't express it in words. My heart started singing like birds. Every eye contact with him makes me feel that thousands of roses are blooming and spreading their beautiful aroma throughout my whole body. Whole of the day he came to my mind. I knew it was not right but I couldn't stop myself thinking about him.
One year passed and I was promoted to class eight. He never said anything to me. We both liked to see each other. One rainy day most of the students didn't come to school. My hair got wet while coming to school. Mizanur came near to me and gave his handkerchief and said,” Ei, Asha dried your hair with this otherwise you will get sick.” I got a manly smell from it. Touching it like I got the touch of Mizanur. I gave it back to him. He said with a light smile,” Keep it to you. If you want.” Then he asked me,” Can I touch your hand?” I felt so shy. That day for the first time I got an unknown feeling of a man’s touch. He took my hand in his hands and said,” Do you know what love is? I fell in love with you.I madly love you Asha. But I was afraid to tell you. Will you marry me ?If you agree then in future we will make a family. I will go to your dad to make you mine forever.” I was speechless. I was not so bold to look at him.Only my eyes sparkled with happiness.
After going home I asked my mom about love. When my mom knew all she looked very fearful. She said angrily,” Asha! Shame on you! Your dad dreamed of making his daughter educated .And you! Love with a Muslim guy?Do you know what will happen to us if people know about it? We will be ostracized from our Hindu society.”
The next day I was not allowed to go to school. Within one week my dad arranged for my marriage with his friend’s son. His name was Manmohan ,twenty five years older than me. Me, a fourteen year old girl, cried a lot and I wanted to tell everything to Mizanur but I couldn't do anything. Around seventy five years ago a poor girl got harsh punishment for her foolishness . I got married keeping Mizanur hidden in my heart and went to Dhaka with my husband. I tried to forget Mizanur. Within sixteen years I gave birth to my five children with two or three years of difference. After that I didn't have a physical relationship with my husband.
One day I went to a secondary school in Dhaka to admit Ashok and Ashish. At that time our two elder daughters got married at a very young age. In that school I again met Mizanur. He got transferred to that school.While going to school daily with my sons I saw him very often. One day he gave me a letter secretly. I didn't want to take it. He requested me to read it once.
From that letter I knew he didn't get married. He couldn't forget me. He still loves me and dreams of a family with me. Everyday he reads Namaz and prays to Allah to fulfill his wish.
I had nothing except tears.I hid the letter in my jewelry box then I wrote to him to forget everything and choose someone for him. Only to avoid him I stopped going to school.I was worried if I would make any mistakes again. Love is that feeling which we can't control. People fall in love without judging anything. He was my first love. As I am very emotional, I couldn't forget the first touch of him on that rainy day.
One day Mizanur came to our house as a teacher of my children. My husband appointed him to be my children's private teacher at home. Four days a week in the evening he came to teach Ashok,Ashish and Anima. I usually didn't come in front of him.
It was a day before Charak Sankranti ( It is the last day of Bengali year) my husband took the children to the market for new dresses for Poila Baisakh ( beginning of Bengali new year). I was alone at home. Maids also took leave for Charak Sankranti. Mizanur came at his usual time. I told him to wait. He was waiting for a long time. I felt bad so I made a cup of tea and served him. He requested me to sit with him.I sat, he looked at me and asked,” Asha, do you really forget me? How? Why don't I forget you? Why are you sitting in my heart ? You know I imagined you as my wife. I dreamed of having a beautiful life with you. I am yours Asha. I can't imagine anyone touching me except you in my life.” His tears started running through his cheek. I was confused. I felt guilty.I went close to him to wipe his tears with my saree. He caught my hands and hugged me tightly.I tried to loosen myself from him. But I couldn't. I melted into him.He kissed me. He touched every part of my body. With his aggressive touch my all shameful bonds lost control.I forgot that I am a mom of five children. I blew up in Mizanur strom. That evening I first understood the wild love. He filled me with love.We were fully naked.It was his first sex. His broad chest pressed my breast. When he entered into me with his strong manhood I moaned.I screamed with excitement. We loved each other madly until we were satisfied.His love was sweet and painful. I had sex with my husband like a habit without love but that evening Mizanur realised me sex with love. Those beautiful moments didn't last long. I understood I did a blunder .I requested Mizanur to leave our house immediately before my husband came.
He said,” Asha Please,don't be afraid. We love each other. We will stay together.” I forced him to go.
The next day Mizanur came but I promised myself not to meet him again and I kept my promise. I just wanted to forget that evening. But God thought differently. I missed my period. I understood I got pregnant.
I didn't understand what to do or how to hide my pregnancy? I thought to kill myself. How could I show my face to society or my husband? When my husband found out, he was shocked. He couldn't believe that I had that courage to have sex with another man. He asked me,” Who is that person? Tell me. What a shame? If you were so hungry for sex why didn't you tell me? You destroyed all my faith and the promises we took at the time of our marriage. You are the most vicious woman! I hate you. You are looking like a prostitute.” His angry eyes filled with tears while saying all. He continued,” I can't leave you because you are my wife and the mom of my five children.I have to hide my wife's adultery from everyone. I have to bear this ignominious incident for the rest of my life. From today you will never touch me. And listen I will never accept this child.”
After that our peaceful family life finished. He stopped talking to me. He treated me like a burden on him. I went to the hospital with a maid. I didn't know how Mizanur got the news of my pregnancy, maybe from my children. He visited me in the hospital secretly. He said,” Asha, I know it's my child. Please come with me. Let's start a new life. I know your husband will never forgive you.” He pleaded with me to go with him but I refused him by saying,” I don't love you. It was my mistake,” The truth was I always loved him.
I gave birth to Arjun. My husband decided to move to Kolkata without giving me any prior indication.I doubt he got Mizanur’s letter.
After coming to Kolkata I got a letter from Mizanur. He wanted his son as proof of our love. He wanted to raise Arjun. But I didn't leave him. I love my Arjun more than my other children. He was unlucky he didn't get dad's love.
Manmohan called him a bastard.He hated Arjun.I tried to give him more love so that he didn't feel bad. But with time Arjun understood there was something fishy.He often asked me,” Ma,why does dad behave like that with me ? He liked my elder brothers but not me”.I had nothing to reply except tears.
I did a sin to fall in love with a man of a different religion. My dad had lots of Muslim friend.He always said,” We human beings have created the religion not God!” But when I loved a Muslim guy he arranged for my marriage without my consent .I didn't love my husband fully or not my lover. It was all my fault.I couldn't control my heart.I don't blame anyone.In one of Arjun’s birthdays I got a letter from Arjun about Mizanur's death. Still in his last breath he took my name,’Asha’.That day you saw me crying.I told you about Arjun's birthday but not the real truth.I lost everything only for my wrong decision. I can't forgive myself for that evening. I became a beach in front of myself only for an unwanted love. Myname Ashalata is a joke because it doesn't mean hope but it means disappointment.
After Manmohan's death everyday I prayed for forgiveness from him and from Mizanur and Arjun.
Sohini my darling, please forgive me. You are my life. If you forgive me then I will get peace.”
Yours Thakuma Ashalata ( 5/3/ 97)

Tears came in Sohini’s eyes.The mysterious hidden letter in an old book opened a heart touching story to Sohini and brought tears to her eyes. It was too late for her to make Thakuma understand that she didn't do anything wrong by loving someone.She was real Asha to Sohini’s life and for the family at the time of trouble.