when i started making big money, i still didn't feel satisfaction.
previously, i thought, maybe big money, will fulfil me.
so, i quit. returned home, did heavy thinking. 6 weeks later, i got the clarity. i immediately started recording. so clarity was;
when i was in 11the class, one day, i was thinking about future & i decided, moksh maarg is best.
but it is too hard. i've cheat, greed in me. so, i'll do it, in next life, or old age.
let's do, ii best. of becoming a perfect personality. knows a lot, impressive. really, highly advanced individual.
so, now i know, no matter what i do, i'll know, moksh maarg is better. thus, i can't be satisfied.
sure i can manipulate myself. but i'm not my own enemy. this is the motivation, i needed.
so i started, pursuing spirituality. i did a long meditation. it was extremely painful. i recovered by lying on the spot, for like 10 minutes. my whole body was shivering in pain.
i did it, next day too. then i realised, it is impractical. i can't make myself agree, to choose to do, every day.
so, i continued spirituality, irregularly.
then 2 years later, i was in MP jungles. there i meditated. over, like 3 or 5 days. during which, i was heading toward a decision, of taking muni diksha. by the end of my days there, i decided, to go ahead with diksha.
but then, within 3 weeks, i experienced people's behaviour about this decision. i concluded, diksha, is more like a social act, rather a spiritual advancement.
i thought, the whole idea of it, is not worth, promising my life to this. basically, i kinda' dropped the idea, forever.
2 years later, i made the biggest decision, of my life till then. i took indefinite retirement, from pleasure.
because, i was very irregular about pursuing spirituality. there was 0 motivation, in the environment. plus, a fear, that spirituality, will never give me, independency.
but i was smart enough, to make the order of priorities. i'm not gonna quit spirituality, for money.
so, i decided a date, 2019 march, at the ending of a tour, which i agreed, as my final vacation. just for motivation. because it was being very difficult, to start the retirement date.
so i donated my extra, mostly clothes. kept only, what is sufficient for my lifetime.
in isolation, i started sleeping on ground, eating like tasteless food. meditating, as much as possible.
i did things, for few days, but then i couldn't remain consistent.
i used to quit, all meditation, for days. then after generating bravery in me, start with new method, different than, all previously failed 1s.
problem is, i don't trust human, their knowledge. because it is filled with lies. saying own thing, claiming it is from god.
so to find, true knowledge. 1 has to read so much, then find true, useful. i have limited time, we're mortals.
so, i kept failing, with each new method, to become regular on meditation. then after 3 months, in june, i came up with a method, which worked. i was able to, keep advancing in spirituality.
for first 2 months, i meditated, like crazy. increasing the amount of meditation, after every few days. this era, was most, hard work era, of my life.
i still didn't fully believe in meditation. but i was again, smart enough, that i know, not enough. but my sensibility was saying, when i'm wiser, meditation will feel a worthy activity, over others, especially current options. literally every option is about money. at least "i knew", money is dirty.
then, i started doing, atleast 1 big, sessions daily.
2 years later, it reached to, long-meditation, daily. along with it, i was able to exercise, all kinds of sacrifices, daily.
then, 1 day, during a cold session, i earned the knowledge, of meditating in cold. like, no shivering.
so i was ready, for doing it in mountains. which, knowledge, now came.
since 2021, i'm vegan, long mediation continued consistently for 1½ years, no self pleasure, not once did i drink water twice in a day, no greed/cheat.
then i got an opportunity, to travel to mountains. while there, i convinced a minister, to create a job position for me, in mountains.
normally, it is strictly, not allowed, for travellers to stay on that mountain. anymore.
so i thought, let's try, to live in a place, 1 km below the top mountain (9 km above the town). because i knew how these backward minds work. they just want, ownership on the mountains.
when i was living there, i was instructed; to get my food, i should send the labour to town, once in every few days.
these people had developed a habit, of exploiting labour class. that, when he returns, they'll make him do all the, day's work.
i didn't follow that evil instruction. got fired.
all supports withdrawn, suddenly. i was among strangers. i convinced them, on grounds of, being a good person.
they didn't care, that organisation will benefit, with good smart person. they need, obedience.
i returned home. on a travel, life risking. heavy bags, with body of a vegan.
until 1 takes diksha, he can bare any uncivilized conditions of india. that is what you get, upon trusting strangers. however, noble they appear. only, ethical, is trustable. not, religious alone.
i experienced, conditions of poor. who even have a job, with established organisation.
just because he has a smart phone now, tastier food than 15 years ago. still, his day is spent with, too much work, hard labour.
in fact, people are more cruel than before. so, they dump all their work, on him.
a labour, was doing that job for 20 years.
nobody is representing him.
to ignore him, just focus on my spirituality. is this what god would do?
i started writing plans, to end exploitation. to help, all like him.
yeah, so this was my spiritual journey. i guess, it was less inspiring than i had thought.
mainly, it is about, having the character, to be able to, do these difficult things, alone. human, almost none of them, can give their, prime of life, to this.
saints do it. upon, being worshipped. every sacrifice, is public information.
but, few, who might be meditating in the mountains, jungle, room. they're the real deal, spirituals.
but, many of them, learn it in gurukul. a normal, brought up watching today's tv. i guess, less than 1000 such individuals exist.
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