On my way to my son’s school, I did not look forward to the visit, for today was the annual parent teacher meeting. It was the beginning of summer vacation, the exams were over, children were excited in anticipation of the long holidays, and it should have been a happy occasion. The cheerful mood was in contrast to my sombre spirit. I knew what to expect – it would be a repeat of last year’s meeting and the year before and so on. It would be the same lecture from the teacher with the same response.
The contrast with the visit to my daughter’s school could not be more stark. The teacher would sing praises of her focus and her academic performance. We would leave the school and the academic year would end with a “happily ever after” feeling.
As I trudged up the concrete steps of the school building to my son’s classroom with some trepidation, children were running in the corridors with broad smiles and bidding farewell to their friends till the next academic year. With a heavy heart and a forced smile, I walked into my son’s classroom and looked for a seat in a corner.
Sitting next to another parent, I glanced around the classroom and spotted my son sitting in another corner. He had noticed me walking into the classroom, but did not make eye contact and neither did I. The parent sitting next to me looked in my direction with a faint smile which I failed to acknowledge and I instead grabbed my phone to look at the same messages that I had read many times before. As a regular commuter on public transportation, I had learnt the art of avoiding conversation.
I knew how these conversations went. After a few harmless questions like - “Where do you live?” and “What is your area of work?”, I knew I would have no answer for the ultimate question - “What award is your child receiving?” Fortunately, I had arrived a few minutes before the meeting began and I did not have to spend much time acting very occupied on my phone.
The teacher called the meeting to order with a “Hello dear parents and children”, that was followed by a short talk from a student on how the year went by swiftly, what a joy it was to be in Ms. Sharma’s class, and how much the students looked forward to the coming year. In my son’s case, none of it was true. Nevertheless, I smiled and waited for the awards to be distributed.
My son who was sitting in the diagonally opposite corner made a serious effort to be appear distracted from the proceedings. I reciprocated by looking disinterested and knew my son’s name would never be called. The awardees shared their awards with their proud parents with broad smiles. As the list of awards came to an end, the parents of the non-awardees including myself forced a smile while counting down the minutes to the inevitable.
Like an unpleasant task that had to be done, I delayed and waited till the crowd had departed. I raised my eyebrows and looked at my son who nodded. Finally, it was time to pick up the dreaded report card.
We approached the teacher with hands folded in sincere deference. Ms. Sharma quickly located my son’s report card in the dwindling stack and with a heavy sigh began her review. Looking at me, she said, “Your son is not focused and is a slow learner. He keeps to himself and consistently falls behind in class”. She tossed the report card in our direction as one would toss a playing card. I picked it up gingerly like a wedding card and opened it. As Mrs. Sharma continued her put-down, I nodded in agreement without hearing her words.
I looked at the report card for a second time to see if the Cs and Ds had magically become As and Bs. But, nothing had changed. Finally, Ms. Sharma stopped talking and asked if we had any questions while she looked down on us with her spectacles a few millimeters from falling off the tip of her nose. Since we had neither questions nor answers, we just nodded and said “Thank you Ma’am” and left as quickly as possible.
The noise in the corridors had diminished since most students had picked up their report cards.
We walked silently down the concrete steps and out of the school. The sound of our footsteps on the gravel road became louder as we walked away from the school. There was nothing to say and my son could sense that I was disappointed. I waited for him to break the silence. “I will do better next year. I will try harder and be more focused.”. I replied, “I know you will” and kept up the pretense although I knew nothing was going to change.
My wife was waiting for us when we reached home. I just smiled and put the report card on a desk like an unwanted letter. My son rushed out with his bicycle saying that he wanted to ride to meet a “fictional” friend to discuss the next year’s syllabus. I knew that he was in a hurry to get away before my wife would begin a lecture that would rival and surpass Ms. Sharma’s lecture.
I sank into the sofa as he rode away and my wife picked up the report card. I sat silently observing her facial expressions. With an occasional raised eyebrow and a faint smile, she read the report card more carefully than I had done.
When she had finished reading, I was expecting the “anxious parent” response to the poor performance. To which I would have said, “I suggested tuitions for him years ago and you said that it was not necessary. Now, see what has happened. It is not too late for him to join Mr. B’s tuition classes. Most of his friends from school are already attending the same tuitions.” But as my wife sat on the opposite side of the table, the long conversation that followed took an unexpected turn and I found myself hard put to defend my beliefs.
My wife said, “What Ms. Sharma thinks of him is not important. He may not be winning awards at school for his academics, but he is turning out to be a boy with strong character and morals.”
I said, “Since when did strong character and morals get you a job. Look at the first page of the report card. It is all about his marks in English, Maths, Science, and so on. That’s what is most important. The rest of the report card is simply fluff to fill up the remaining two pages. If he doesn’t do well in his subjects, he is going to end up in some dead end job making little money. With poor marks, he will end up in a mediocre college, get a mediocre degree, followed by a job as a minion in some run-of-the-mill company and he will not be happy.”
“So, you believe education is simply a hunt for more wealth, power and a comfortable life. We are producing a generation of automatons who compete with each other, not to become better and learned individuals, but instead to memorize and recite the right answers. Our son may not be anywhere near the top of the class, but he has the traits to be a success, like honesty. Do you remember when one of his classmates stole a question paper from the teacher’s cupboard and sent a scan of it to almost the entire class. Our son refused to look at the paper. Everyone said that he was a fool for missing an opportunity to boost his grades. Still he stuck to his principles and ended up doing worse than the rest of the class. I told him that he was one of the few honest students left in the class. Those who cheated will reap short term gains, but in the long run, they will eventually have to pay a penalty.”
“Fine”, I replied. “We have a honest Harishchandra in the family. Do you think that is something I can brag about to my friends? They will laugh behind my back. Just the other day, my old classmate from engineering days posted his son’s 95% grades on our WhatsApp group and on Facebook. He got over 100 thumbs up and likes. If I post my son’s 62% marks on the group, I will be ridiculed. Do you know how schools after the results of a board exam, put up a flex sign board with the photos and percentages of the toppers near the entrance of the school for everyone to see? Well, I dreamt that our son’s photo would one day be on that flex and then I could show everyone in our group what a fine job we have done raising our son. With our honest Harishchandra, there is no chance of any of that happening.”
She replied, “Well I am sorry you are disappointed. It seems as if you are trying to live through your son. Why does our son need to be appreciated by your friends. He is secure and confident in his beliefs. Do you remember when that girl, Shravya, wanted to join the all-boys football team, he was the only one who encouraged her. Even after she joined the team, the rest of the boys would refuse to pass the ball to her, except for our son who made it to a point to give her a chance to handle the ball. The rest of the team then began teasing him. They made comments suggesting that he was trying for a girlfriend, even though he had no such intentions. He did not let their rude behaviour bother him and simply ignored them. In which subject in the report card do you think they taught him to be unselfish and look out for the beginner. Our son could have easily behaved like the rest of the boys on the team, but instead he had the courage to fight the stereotype.”
She continued, “Although he was teased for encouraging a girl to play football, he earned the respect of the class when he took the blame for that unmanageable boy, Ravan. That boy was on the verge of being expelled from school for repeated offenses from middle school onwards. He had been warned multiple times in front of the class and was even given a last chance to reform. But, he was stubborn and continued to be rebellious. Nobody knew at the time that his family was going through financial problems and his behaviour was largely a result of the stress at home. When he threw his pencil box at another boy and instead broke a window pane, that was the last straw. He would have been certainly suspended indefinitely from school. Ms. Sharma noticed the broken window pane and asked who was responsible. Even though everyone knew who was the culprit, no one wanted to snitch on Ravan. Besides the possible retaliation from Ravan, there was also some odd sense of unity and belief among the students that they should stick together when confronted by an authority figure. Ms. Sharma’s reputation as a disciplinarian was at stake and she threatened the entire class with a harsh punishment unless the guilty student was identified. Our son quickly realized that it was a matter of time before Ravan would be found out and then suspended or even be expelled. And so our son made up a story that he accidentally broke the window pane while playing football in class. Mrs. Sharma was a little surprised, but accepted his explanation and asked our son to pay for the repair, which he did out of his pocket money. Our son could have sat quietly like everyone else in the class waiting for the inevitable, but instead he decided to make a sacrifice so that a fellow student would not have to endure more punishment. The experience not only taught our son to stand up for others who are not able to cope with pressure, but it also had an effect on Ravan who realized that there are others who care for him, despite his difficult behaviour.”
I replied, “Yes, our son may have compassion and be popular in class. But, do you realize that it is not of importance in academics. There are no subjects called Compassion or Integrity in the report card. If there were, our son would have probably received As, which would have stood out compared to his other grades! This is a dog-eat-dog world and you have to be aggressive and get what you want. If you show compassion, others will simply walk over you and get ahead. He doesn’t have the drive to push his way through life. You know the saying – Nice guys finish last. Yes, it is a rat race out there, but everyone is in it and there will be winners and losers. Our son will be a loser because he doesn’t have the heart to offend someone and will go out of his way to make someone else happy. His attitude will not produce results in the real world.”
My wife interrupted me and said, “Life is not about winning or losing races. It’s about working together in harmony and getting everyone across the line. Do you realize that if he asks his classmates for help, they will be only too happy to oblige. Niceness is not a weakness, but an investment that will pay off in the long run when you really need support. Do you remember when the school bus driver’s daughter contracted dengue and was hospitalized for a week. The cost of the hospitalization was far beyond the means of a bus driver. Every day that she spent in the hospital was like a heavy load on the driver’s back that accumulated till his breaking point. Our son decided to do something about it and start a fundraising campaign in school to pay the medical bills. Although he did not raise much, the school management was shamed into making a contribution as well. She did recover and today everyone from the sweepers to the drivers to the chowkidars in the school remember what our son did in a time of need. Whenever they see him, they greet him with a big smile.”
“Fine he is popular with the help.”, I noted. “Our son should be networking with teachers and the principal instead of the chowkidars, sweepers, and maids. If you really want to get ahead in life, you need to know people in high places like CEOs, politicians, and the wealthy. Becoming friendly with the lower class is not going to do much good. Instead, they may seek his help and knowing our son, he will go out of his way to help them. In the end, others will benefit and our son will suffer. He spends too much time engaged in activities that do not benefit him and do not show up in a report card. Instead of reading his text books, he spends his time tinkering with his bicycle to climb uphill faster or reading some book which is not a book from the syllabus.”
As always, my wife had the last word. “It is not about networking. The way we treat the people who work for us reflects our culture and values. This is not taught in any textbook but is visible in our daily interactions and routines. Our son has excellent grades in subjects like compassion, honesty, and responsibility that matter the most in the long run. He may not remember the valency of Plutonium, but he will not forget his principles. The report card from school is not a reflection of his character or even his intelligence. He may never be a brilliant student, but his kind nature will get him many lifelong friends who will always support him. They know that he is trustworthy, honest, and kind, all traits that are more valuable than simply memorizing the right answer.”
The doorbell rang. Our son had returned from his ride. I opened the door and told him to wash his face, not because it was dirty, but to clean the dried tear stains. He joined us and sat down and said, “ I will do better this year. I will. I will.”
React
