Is love a miracle,
Is it a boon, a chance once in several lifetimes,
Is it a bane that shatters when you come to know its reality?
Is it self-healing, or is it crippling oneself into a tight corner of the room?
Just like everyone, Kairav always had this question, running in his mind: What exactly is love? He’d always dismissed it as a ‘tale told by broken hearts’. A very convenient romantic illusion. Then he saw her. The way she smiles, the way she sees, the way sunlight falls on her. The way the wind plays with her hair. The way the cat rubs her cheek against her leg. And suddenly, his heart was a frantic drumbeat, “Dude, what shall we do now? I’m utterly smitten!”
A week ago, he’d been playing cricket in the park with his best friend Tushar. It was a perfect evening—the kind that hinted that the universe was about to give them a gift.
The park’s ground was decorated by Lush green grass and trees which circled the perimeter like knights with armours. Birds were returning to the nests after a day well spent. The wind carried with it distant hope, kisses and the scent of flowers.
Kairav stood in front of the wicket, ready to face Tushar, who was charging towards him with a wind ball clutched in his left hand. The ball left Tushar’s hand, hit the pitch, And with a wicked bounce, rushed towards Kairav, who was poised to send it for a six.
Kairav swung his bat and timed the ball from the middle of his bat. The ball raised to a few meters in the sky. Tushar, with a few quick steps, positioned himself under the ball, only to watch helplessly as the ball cleared the park’s fence. It was a towering six.
Kairav looked at Tushar with a grin, “how’s that?”
Tushar tried to play it cool, “Nothing special, I could’ve bowled better. Now go get the ball.”
“Then, I’ll hit the next one even further. Just you wait.” Kairav kept the bat on the ground and left the park, to collect the ball.
The shot replayed in his mind as he walked, a wide smile spread across his face as if it were the shot of a lifetime.
‘Who needs love? It’s a waste of time and effort. I’d read so many stories and each of them ended the same: hurt. They loved for nothing, They lived for nothing. When one can play cricket, hit a ball or two out of the park, and feel this good about a shot, who needs love?’ He thought as he walked.
On moving a bit further, He saw that The green coloured ball was resting against a car’s tyre. He took his steps towards the car, reached and bent to pick up the ball. Then, unexpectedly, his hand brushed with another, trying to pick the ball. And the touch sends a sudden current across his arm.
He looked towards the person and saw a maiden. A girl whose eyes carried secrets. Her cheeks were flushed pink. Her long hair, like a waterfall, was falling on his right shoulder. It was as if she was a rose enclosed in a bud. A kind of fragrance that he had never sniffed before. She was bending down, her arm outstretched. And that sudden current that he felt was enough to freeze the time for a few seconds.
And for those few seconds, they stared at each other. Like the reality was crumbling. It felt awkward for them to start a conversation. An object as simple as a ball led them together. Was it a sign? Was it a new beginning? Does this meeting mean something different?
Kairav stood up, his eyes never left hers.
‘I’ve fallen into a trap. Even her ‘hi’ would be enough for my mind to conjure false beliefs. My heart will race if she smiles. And before I will know, sleepless nights will follow.’ He thought as his gaze shifted to her hand.
Kairav cleared his throat, trying to shake off this new strange sensation.
He tried his best to find something to say, “Is…is this ball yours?” He said, gesturing toward the ball.
The girl’s name was Kashish. She looked away, and her gaze followed Kairav’s gesture. “Nahi, I…I was just trying to help.” Her voice was a little softer now. “I saw the ball flying over and thought I’d pick it up before it gets lost.”
To him, her voice was like the bells of a temple. It had a soothing effect on his soul. He was a guy who preferably shunned female company. But what now? What were those fleeting thoughts? What was that strange awkwardness? There were so many questions swirling in his mind to which there were no possible answers.
“That’s very thoughtful of you.” He paused for a brief, “Are you new here? I’ve never seen you around” He asked, trying to carry on the conversation.
“Actually I…” Kashish was about to say; suddenly, a voice called out from behind.
“Kashish!” The voice exclaimed.
Kairav turned to see a girl from his school, class 11th C, Alisha, walking towards them with a bright smile on her face.
“Kashish, what are you doing here?” Alisha asked, eyeing Kashish with curiosity.
Kashish hitched, her breath caught in her throat. She felt embarrassed. “I…I was just taking a walk.”
Alisha gripped Kashish by her wrist and pulled her close. “Listen,” Alisha whispered, “Stay away from him. He’s from the D section. God knows what he’s up to? Better safe than sorry.”
Alisha glanced back and gave Kairav a stingy eye. Her gaze, as sharp as a dagger, was a warning for Kairav. Then Alisha steered Kashish towards home.
“Today, the weather is fine,” these were the words Kairav had intended to say if Alisha hadn’t interrupted. But Fate had other plans. The near romantic meeting between Kairav and Kashish, found its villain, Alisha.
He watched them till they vanished at the turn. He stood there frozen as if he had been confined in a wooden box, unable to move. Then his gaze landed on a blue handkerchief, sleeping peacefully on the road.
“Maybe a sure shot sign of something more?” He thought and picked up the handkerchief.
‘Kashish…Kashish, her name was as beautiful as her.” His brain was silently preparing to take him to cloud nine.
He grinned like an idiot.
*****
After a while, he brought the ball back. He and Tushar played for ten more overs and decided to take a break. For some reason, Kairav was unable to focus on the game. He missed easy balls and gave easy catches.
“Score’s 3-4,” Tushar remarked as they sat on a bench. He felt like he had been ignored.
“Kairav, are you listening?”
He tapped on Kairav’s shoulder, but Kairav was lost in his dreams. His heart was stolen by a maiden.
“I met a girl,” Kairav said in a calm voice. Barely audible above the rustling leaves.
“What’s strange in that?” Asked Tushar.
“Sorry, let me say it again.” Kairav looked at Tushar and said, “I met an angel—dressed in a light purple frock. Red bellies and Heart-shaped faces. Long hair, which was like silk threads, was woven with utmost care. Her voice was like the melody of the nightingale.”
Tushar looked at Kairav with a puzzled expression. “Did the ball hit your head? What’s wrong with you? What’s with the sudden poetry? And who’s this girl you are describing about?”
“Kashish,” Kairav spoke up. “The prettiest girl I’d ever seen.”
Kairav begin to take a few long breaths along with her name.
“Kashish? You mean Alisha’s cousin, right?”
Kairav sprang up from the bench, “you…Tushar you know her?“ Kairav’s eyes widened in surprise. The question tumbled out like a plea.
Tushar nodded, crossing his arms, “Of course I do, Alisha and I are neighbours.“
Kairav slapped his forehead, his face lit like a flickering lamp “Bro…” he fell on the ground and begin to laugh, “Universe sure has its language.“
In Kairav’s heart there were a new sense of possibilities. He lost today’s game, but won something new. At that time he forgot everything about ‘one sided love.’
“In my entire life I never had a decent conversation with a girl. Not that I’m a coward. But I always thought it’s useless. Spending time with girls is just another way to trap yourself. Up until a few hours ago I was rating cricket above love. But now, everything…everything is making sense.“ Kairav confessed to himself.
Tushar stood up preparing to leave, “Don’t give yourself any hope. She’s way out of your league. You are from D section.“
Tushar said and left the park
“So what if I’m from D section. I too have heart, hopes, will and dreams. I too can fall in love.“ Kairav assured to himself, left the park, started his active and left for his home.
****
“Have you finished your homework? “Asked Kairav’s mother. She was kneading dough in the kitchen, preparing for the dinner.
“There’s no homework for today,” replied Kairav. It was an obvious lie. An age old excuse children make when he has something else to care about.
“Mom where’s my mango shake?“ Kairav looked around the kitchen as if he hoped the drink would magically appear.
His mother’s hand paused in the middle of kneading, “Kairav?“ His mom looked at him with surprise. “It’s winters beta!“ The kitchen went silent, with the tick of clock being the only sound.
For a moment they both shared a puzzled glance, as if they both were invisible to each other.
Then her mother’s voice softened, “Are you alright, beta?“ She asked out of concern and gestured for Kairav to sit down, “You must be tired. Take some rest.“
Kairav turned on the fan and settled on the sofa. He placed his arm over his forehead, “What’s happening to me? What I’m doing? My heart’s racing for a girl that I don’t even know…and I’m letting it. Is that what beauty can do to a guy? Aren’t I surrendering to easily? At this rate, I will be consumed. And I’m not even fighting it.“ he though and found his chest constricting with anxiety. He felt his heart skipping beats.
As the evening wore on, Kairav’s family gathered around the dinner table. But Kairav’s mind was elsewhere. He was still reeling from the encounter with Kashish, and his thoughts kept drifting back. Like waves at the beach carrying sea shells.
Kairav’s father asked him to pass rotis. He called his name thrice. But instead of Rotis he passed the serving spoon. His father cleared his throat, and brought Kairav back to reality. Shocked and flustered, Kairav apologized and passed the Rotis.
And as the dinner continued, his mistakes kept adding up. He was present at the table only physically. His mind and heart were in their own quantum entanglement.
“Love-struck. Definitely” his father teased in a low voice.
Kairav’s face turned crimson, his words mumbled, “wh-what are you saying dad? Don’t mess with me.“ He tried his best to hide, but his father had lived quite a long life and easily saw through Kairav’s façade.
But as a father he let that slip and decided to let Kairav enjoy his season of youth.
****
Kairav decided to have some sweet. He asked his mother and brought himself to a local sweet shop. Sweets always have their own way to weave out stories. And Kairav wasn’t the only one craving for them.
It was nine in the evening. He stepped inside the shop. The sweet and flavoured aroma caught his attention. The shop was well lit with lights, while the floor was tiled. The tantalizing sweets seemed to call his name.
As his eyes adjusted to the warm lighting of the shop, he noticed a girl standing at the counter. Her back to him. Those similar waterfall like hair, that floral scent, took him a step aback and teased his senses. There was something familiar about the girl. And then as if the fate had orchestrated it, the girl turned around and her deer like eyes locked with Kairav’s. He felt an unexplainable connection.
His eyes widened and Goosebumps surfaced across his body. His breath stopped for a moment when he took a look of her
Breath-taking beauty.
The moon was hiding behind the clouds. And the earlier was an inch less beautiful than the radiance of the girl’s face. It was as if the night itself was half slept in her presence.
The girl was Kashish.
A soft smile settled on her lips and she took a few steps towards Kairav.
“KAIRAV?“ She called his name, in the sweetest way possible.
All he could manage to say was a “H…hey,”. He was surprised thinking about how she knew her name.
This simple exchange led Kairav to again believe in the mighty existence of almighty. The pair stood there and no more conversation exchanged. Kairav had been already drowning in her prettiness.
“I know Mr Khanna. You can pay next time, beta”. The shopkeeper said from behind, breaking the silence. “Sweets and smiles shouldn’t be balanced against money.“
“No I can’t do that. Please take these back.“ Kashish replied, handing over the sweets to shopkeeper.
Without thinking Kairav stepped in, “I’ll pay for her sweets, uncle.“
“Thank you. Thank you so much God.“ He thought to himself.
Kashish looked at him with surprise, “No Kairav. It’s fine. I… I’ll pay in morning.“
“Please let me.“ Kairav insisted. After all, it was an opportunity precisely crafted for him. “It’s no big deal.“
He stepped forward and took a rupees five hundred note from his wallet and gave it to the shopkeeper, who after calculating returned the balance.
“Here you go,” he collected the cash and turned towards Kashish. His eyes met hers gave a heart throbbing smile.
A kind of smile which is enough to warm her from inside out .
Maybe the maiden felt his pure and genuine soul? Maybe her heart skipped a beat. She was more than certain that her heart, responded to the guy from D section.
She smiled too. A smile which directly spoke with his heart. Which filled in him hope and longing.
*****
He waved her goodbye and stepped out of the shop. But his weak heart was still racing with an unknown intensity. But alongside, a turmoil was brewing inside of him.
“Why goodbyes are so painful. But, I guess that’s it. My heart was beating so fast that I couldn’t make head or tails of it.“ He thought.
He knew he had put and end to this. Otherwise, their would be no coming back. He was unable to understand his own feelings. The encounter left him vulnerable. Everything seemed awkward to him.
Just when He was about to start his Activa, he heard his name being called out.
“KAIRAV…KAIRAV…wait a minute,” Kashish rushed out from the shop, her breaths heavy. “Please listen to me.“
Her purple frock danced with wind and her hair was tied in a long poly tail with a band.
He pulled out the key from the Activa’s lock and walked towards her.
“Thank you so much.“ She replied offering him one of the two cheesecakes she had brought. She looked around for a bench, “let’s sit there.“
His heart was about to melt like wax of a candle.
They found a quite bench. Kashish offered him the cheesecake, taking other one for herself.
“This evening I was you play cricket in the park.“ a warm smile decorated her pearl like face.
“You were?“ Asked Kairav.
“Yes I was. And I must say, I was impressed.“ Her smile grew wider.
Kairav felt his chest jingling like bells. His ears were burning red. Was It admiration, appreciation of words of affection. He was confused.
“The way you moved through the field…they way you played…the way you laughed…and the passion and joy in your eyes…it was so-so beautiful to watch. It was magical“ her eyes shone with gentle light.
No one…no one had ever said anything like that to him before. He looked at her and his eyes grew teary.
“KASHISH, I’ve something to tell you too.“
He finally mustered up the courage.
“Kashish, I..“, Kashish interrupted, “Wait Kairav…first hear me.“
It was as if she had very important thing to tell him.
“I know what you are going to say but…hear me out.“
Kairav’s instinct told him to prepare for the worst. He felt his stomach forming a knot.
Kashish took a deep breath, her shoulders squared as she prepared herself for what she was about to say. A tear rolled down her cheek, “Kairav, I’m suffering from ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis). It’s a fatal disease, which would eventually lead me to eternal sleep.“
Her voice cracked with emotions, “God never favoured me.“
He felt his world shattering. All he could do was stare at Kashish with a fear of loosing.
Kairav was unable to think, unable to move. He quickly took Kashish into a tight hug, “Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter at all,”
“Today You became the firstever person who showed kindness towards me,” her eyes begain to shed tears. At that moment she wished. She wished for the moment to hold longer.
“Love eludes me. I can’t find it, or be found by it. Maybe I am being punished for something I did in past birth.“ She pressed her face against his chest, “This burden. I must carry it alone.“
His heart shattered at her words.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” he closed his eyes and hugged her even tighter.
Kashish’s tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn’t cared. He just wished to feel her. He felt alive. He felt loved and she felt wanted.
“I’d be always here for you.“ his soul directly spoke to her soul.
“So this is love huh? This is what meant to be loved.“ Kashish thought, hiding in his arms.
Then without thinking, Kashish closed her eyes, leaned in and pressed her lips against his. It was a soft kiss, but the emotions it carried were immense. It was a kiss that’s writer writes about. A kiss one can only feel once per lifetime.
Kairav kissed her back. They were totally lost to each other.
“Kairav?“ She said wiping her tears.
“Yes?“
“Make me yours in next birth.“
“You are mine in this one too.“
They laughed looking at each other.
They both kissed each other again. It was as if they were married under the shades of stars for that one day.
****
1 year after
“This necklace is her only memory,” Kairav thought, kissing the necklace and keeping it safe in his locker.
“love can only be found is the ashes of your beloved.
But, I must keep on living, for her, for me and for the promise of our next birth.“
The end
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