He Was Mine.. But Never Truly Mine

I always had one wish…
Just one —
That you would be mine.
Entirely. Truly.
Body, heart, and soul.

But that prayer never reached the skies.
And I was left standing in the silence
of unanswered hopes.

I used to live in the dream
where your smile lit my world,
where your presence was my peace.
But every time, reality shattered the illusion…
and I was the one left broken.

Was there something missing in my love?
Or did your heart already belong to someone else?
Every moment,
I ask myself the same question —
What sin did my heart commit
to drown this deep, and still return empty?

I can’t even say it was one-sided…
Because your words,
your silence,
your eyes —
they held something.
Something real.

You understood me,
even when I said nothing.
You walked beside me,
dropped me home like I mattered…
So then why?
Why weren’t you mine?

Why couldn’t you stay?

Was I not enough?
Were my efforts not enough?
Or did you never feel it the way I did?

You agreed to my words,
you took care of me —
maybe not always,
but in ways that touched me more than anything else ever could.
You made me feel seen…
heard…
wanted.

And still —
you slipped through my fingers like sand.

It was me.
I distanced myself.
I blocked you.
I chose silence —
thinking it was temporary.
That soon, I'd forget.
But how could I have known,
your memories would become the very breath I live on?

I thought I’d let you go for a few days…
But now, I carry you in every moment.
You never left…
Not really.

And now I wonder…
When someone else stands beside you,
will I survive seeing you with her?
Will I be able to breathe when your hands hold someone else?

I think of that day — and it breaks me.

I’m strange, aren’t I?
I wanted you…
but I didn’t fight enough.
I gave up.
I told you to leave.
And you… you listened.

But how do I tell you…
That letting you go wasn’t strength,
it was the loudest scream of my helplessness.

Now, each morning carries your echo,
and every night falls asleep with your name on my lips.
Even my silence whispers you.
Even my tears remember you.

If, by some twist of fate, you ever come back —
Just once…
If you ever speak to me again,
I swear —
I won’t let go this time.
No matter what,
I will not lose you again.

I still crave your presence.
Still ache to hear your voice.
Still imagine sitting beside you like nothing ever changed.

What if, one day,
you feel even a fraction of what I felt for you?
Would you understand my madness?
Would you call it love — or foolishness?

You were mine…
But never truly mine.

And that truth…
will forever haunt every part of me
that still belongs to you. I Set Out to Forget You… But Ended Up Losing Myself)

I Set Out to Forget You… But Ended Up Losing Myself)


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I told myself,
"This is it. You have to move on."
I made promises in the mirror,
Swore to bury the past — to bury you.
But I didn’t know…
That forgetting you meant forgetting myself.

Every step away from you,
Took me farther from who I used to be.
I smiled less.
Spoke softer.
Dreamt smaller.
And somewhere in that silence,
I stopped recognizing the girl I used to be.

I started pretending —
That I was healing.
That I didn’t miss you anymore.
That my nights were peaceful,
And my heart had learned how to breathe without you.
But truth?
Even my lies carried your name.

Every song still sounded like you.
Every quiet evening still looked like your absence.
And every morning —
Felt heavier than the last.

I didn’t just lose you.
I lost the version of me who believed in love.
I lost the girl who used to write poems with hope.
Now, I only write to bleed…
Not to heal.

I thought letting go would set me free.
But it only chained me to regrets.
To memories.
To the "what ifs" that haunt me louder than your silence ever did.

What if I had stayed a little longer?
Fought a little harder?
Would you still have walked away?

I keep wondering…
Was I too much?
Or was I never enough?

And this confusion —
This middle space between being forgotten
And still remembering —
It’s killing me.

Everyone said,
"Time will heal you."
But no one warned me —
That time would also erase you from the world,
Yet never from my heart.

People stopped asking about you.
They stopped mentioning your name.
They assumed I was fine now.
That I had moved on.

But they don’t see how
Your ghost still sits beside me
When I sip tea in silence.
How your laughter still echoes
When I walk through the old streets we shared.

I still type your name
And delete it before pressing send.
I still save photos
I pretend I don’t look at.
I still wait…
Even if there’s no promise of return.

And in all of this —
I forgot how to live for me.

I wore strength like armor,
But inside… I’m tired.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of carrying a love that has nowhere to go.

Some nights, I still cry —
But the tears are quieter now.
More private.
Like they know even pain has grown weary.

And yet,
Some part of me still loves you.
Not with hope…
But with habit.

Loving you has become a rhythm my soul follows —
Even when there’s no music left.

They say healing comes when acceptance arrives.
But how do I accept
That you once held my heart
And then dropped it like it never meant a thing?

How do I accept
That someone I called home
Found shelter in someone else?

I carry you like a scar —
Not to reopen,
But because it never really closed.

Sometimes, I want to hate you.
Blame you.
Scream at the universe for being so cruel.
But most days…
I just sit in the quiet
And miss you —
Without expecting anything in return.

This chapter of us —
It didn’t end with a goodbye.
It just… faded.
And maybe that’s why it hurts more.

Because when there’s no end,
You keep waiting for a beginning that never comes.

And I…
I kept walking,
Thinking I was heading toward peace.
But all I did
Was leave pieces of myself behind.

Now, I look in the mirror