Date: 31st December 2021
We talked that day — 31st December 2021.
I was just a self-centered girl back then...
Someone who didn’t care about people, or feelings, or attachments.
I liked being in control — detached, quiet, and alone in my own safe little world. Emotions felt like distractions I didn’t want.
Nothing really mattered to me. No one really mattered to me.
But then he came along.
We started talking — just simple, normal conversations. Nothing deep, nothing dramatic. But something started to shift inside me.
I didn’t even realize when it began… but suddenly his texts started making my day. His presence — even in messages — brought me calm.
His name became a comfort I didn’t know I needed.
His photos? I began looking at them again and again, for no reason at all.
His tiniest actions started affecting me.
> “Kuch log dil mein iss tarah utar jaate hain,
Ke unke baad khud se bhi mulaqat mushkil ho jaati hai.”
I never thought a person could change me.
But slowly, I found myself changing — without even trying.
That cold, distant girl… she was melting.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months.
I didn’t label what I felt. I didn’t call it love.
But now when I look back…
I know.
I had fallen in love with him.
Not the kind of love that announces itself loudly.
But the quiet kind — the kind that hides in glances, in unspoken care, in unread messages, and a trembling heart.
> “Kabhi kabhi mohabbat chup rehti hai,
Par uski khamoshi bhi cheekh cheekh ke sab keh jaati hai.”
I waited for his texts like prayers.
Even when there was nothing special in them…
Just a “hi” from him felt like oxygen to my day.
I used to wonder:
What was he doing? Where was he going? Who was he talking to?
He had no idea he lived in my mind — rent-free — all the time.
He had no clue that he had become the center of someone’s world.
My world.
> “Woh khush tha apni duniya mein,
Aur main khush thi uski duniya ko dekh kar.”
One year passed. Then another.
I still couldn’t say anything.
My heart screamed, but my lips never moved.
I was always scared. Of rejection. Of distance. Of losing whatever little we had.
So, I stayed quiet.
And he…
He stayed unaware.
I thought I would move on. But I couldn’t.
He was everywhere — in my thoughts, in my dreams, in my silence.
And when I saw him, I had to pretend like I didn’t care.
Do you know how hard that is?
To look straight at the person you love… and act like they're just someone?
> “Main hamesha muskuraati rahi,
Takay koi jaan na sake… ke andar se main bikhar chuki hoon.”
I was tired.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of hiding everything inside me.
Because the truth was — I wanted him.
And not in some fairytale way. I wanted his presence. His care. His voice.
I wanted to feel seen. Not invisible.
Even when he stopped messaging me, I would find silly reasons to reach out.
Just to hear from him. Just to feel a little closer.
> “Mohabbat thi usse, bina kisi wajah ke,
Aur shayad isiliye sabse zyada gehri thi.”
There was always a hope in me…
That maybe, someday, he would love me back.
That maybe, someday, we’d meet. Not as strangers… but as something real.
But along with that hope, there was always a fear too.
A quiet fear that lived in the back of my mind…
What if we did fall in love?
What if we did want to be together?
Would the world let us?
> “Kahi mohabbat ki manzil ho bhi gayi,
Toh kya yeh duniya us manzil tak jaane degi?”
What would I say to my parents — the ones who gave me everything, fulfilled every dream, protected my name and pride?
What if that love brought shame to them?
What if… just by choosing him… I broke them?
This thought alone was enough to kill me from inside.
To tear me apart silently.
> “Main do raahon pe khadi thi,
Ek taraf dil tha, dusri taraf zimmedari.”
I was burning inside.
Smiling outside.
Dying quietly.
Every night I used to think,
If only everything was in my hands…
If only I could control life the way I felt it…
If only I could fix everything…
I would’ve chosen him.
I would’ve chosen love.
And still saved the world from getting hurt.
But life doesn’t give us that choice, does it?
> “Kash sab kuch mere bas mein hota,
Toh mohabbat bhi meri hoti,
Aur izzat bhi sabki bachi rehti.”
---
That was the story of when my heart began to change.
And honestly, I don’t think it ever changed back.
---
💭 Final Reflection:
> Some people enter our lives without promises.
And yet they become everything we never asked for,
Everything we silently prayed for,
And everything we were never meant to have.
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