Let’s rewind the timeline of my life to the precise moment I ruined everything.
I had just leaked a video of an AI soup named Soupio doing military salutes to background tabla beats.
In less than 40 minutes:
The campus Wi-Fi collapsed like a dying buffalo.
The mess declared a “temporary suspension of liquids.”
And I, Zayn Rial, 4th year CSE student with zero internships, 3 unpaid fines, and 27 ignored placement emails, had just been summoned to Admin Block 3B.
Summoned by none other than…
Dr. Rivan Elroy.
Biochem HOD.
Co-creator of Project ZEERA.
Father of Soupio.
And man with a cough that sounds like it owns a switchblade.
Now, any rational human would’ve:
Denied everything.
Hid in a tiffin carrier.
Changed their name to “Ajay Panda” and relocated to Pondicherry.
But no. I decided to send one last text to Meha for moral support.
Something noble. Something dramatic. Something that screamed "final act."
What I meant to send:
> “If I vanish tonight, avenge me. Burn my browsing history. Tell Aadek not to date my sister.”
What I actually sent?
To a group called:
“Project Salvo Internal Team – 🧪🧠”
Which included:
Dr. Elroy.
Partho, his bald assistant with a mustache shaped like a disappointment.
Prisha, a lab intern who once tried to blend caffeine powder and Vicks.
And their entire research audit panel.
They read it immediately.
And then came the worst possible reply:
> “Come to the lab instead. We’ll talk there.”
I have never physically aged faster in my life.
Meha called.
Meha: “You absolute donkey. Why would you text them?!”
Me: “I thought it was YOU.”
Meha: “Zayn, I use an anime frog as my profile. That group has a bio that says ‘for scientific eyes only.’”
Me: “Okay, but how was I supposed to kn—”
Meha: “Shut up. Meet me behind Block C in three minutes. Bring your ID. And socks.”
Me: “Socks?”
Meha: “You’ll see.”
Three minutes later.
I sprint to the back of the campus photocopy shop.
Meha’s standing there in full heist mode. Hoodie up. USB in hand. And next to her…
Is a goat.
A real, living, probably emotionally unstable goat wearing a harness.
Me: “…I’m not ready for this conversation.”
Meha: “His name is Tikka. We’re swapping your identity with his.”
Me: “You’re putting the blame… on a GOAT?”
Meha: “Yes. You’re officially becoming the fall guy. Or fall goat. Technically both.”
Me: “Meha, this isn’t Scooby-Doo. We can’t just pin a soup scandal on livestock.”
Meha: “We already made a Reddit burner called @GoatSpillOfficial. It’s blowing up. 541 followers and counting. Also, there’s a fan art of Tikka with sunglasses.”
Tikka sneezes directly on my foot.
Meha hands me a lab coat that’s clearly from the children’s section, a USB labeled “Final_FINAL_V9_REALTRUTHFORREALSIES.mp4”, and says:
> “You’re going to the server room. Plug this in. Delete their source files.
I’ll handle the goat.”
And just like that, I was sprinting across campus dressed like if Dexter’s Lab was cosplayed by a broke intern.
💾 THE SERVER ROOM SITUATION
I reach Biochem Block. Sneak past Partho (who’s yelling at someone about a “tampered lentil ratio”), slide under a desk, and crawl into the main server bay.
It smells like burnt wires and despair.
I plug in the USB.
The screen flashes.
It launches a deepfake mashup of Soupio doing bhangra to “Kala Chashma,” while glitching out random lab documents.
Text overlays pop up:
“PROJECT SALVO: FLAVOR = CONTROL?”
“Rasam Protocol Breach Detected.”
“SOUPIO WILL NOT BE SILENCED 🔥🫕”
That’s when everything explodes.
Fire alarms start screaming.
A loudspeaker goes: “SUSPICIOUS SOUP DETECTED.”
Red lights flash.
Someone yells “ABORT THE CURRY” from upstairs.
The Bluetooth pressure cooker starts dancing uncontrollably.
Steam erupts from the vents like a demon burp.
And THEN—
Tikka the goat enters.
No one knows how.
Security later claimed “he just... appeared.” Some say he was “ascending.” Others say “he used the staff elevator.”
All I know is:
Tikka entered the Biochem lab, sneezed on a retina scanner, and triggered full system lockdown.
🧠 THE FINALE FINALE
Security bursts in.
They find:
Soup footage on every screen.
An intern passed out on a beanbag holding a ladle.
A goat chewing on a thesis titled “Emotion Mapping Through Lentil Viscosity.”
And me — Zayn Rial — covered in dal, holding a spark-spitting USB stick and whispering “it was never about the rasam.”
It was, to quote the Dean, “a complete collapse of order, reality, and culinary logic.”
📜 EPILOGUE: SOUP, GOAT, LEGACY
Project Salvo is shut down.
Official reason:
> “Security compromised by unsanctioned biological interface.”
The admin board issues a public memo:
> “V-Tech will no longer pursue edible neural enhancement research.
All rasam-based AIs have been decommissioned.
Campus menu returns to normal from Monday.”
Dr. Elroy vanishes.
Rumors say he’s now growing Soupio 2.0 in a village near Kasauli using vintage cookers and prayer.
Tikka becomes a hero.
The mess paints a mural of him on the main wall that reads:
> “SPILLED BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.”
Meha receives a secret scholarship from an unnamed ethics think-tank.
She’s now writing a thesis titled:
> “Food and Fascism: A Boiling Point.”
Aadek becomes a campus influencer.
Sells Soupio merch with slogans like:
“Mind Your Broth”
“Suspicious Soup Detected 🔥”
“Flavor Memory Activated”
And me?
I still flinch when someone opens a Thermos too fast.
I still whisper “sorry” every time I pass a goat.
And to this day, I get messages from students I’ve never met saying:
> “Bro… were you the soup guy?”
And I don’t know whether to say yes or start running again.
But I’ve learned something important:
> Sometimes, saying yes leads to chaos.
But sometimes, chaos leads to memes, goats, and global exposure.
And honestly?
That’s worth it.
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