Heartbroken and shattered, I landed up in the one place I could always go to, my father's house, it was a Saturday evening, and neither did I inform my in laws nor did I take permission from my husband, I just had to meet my father after what had happened, because I knew it was only him who could comfort me in such a situation.
“Sneha? What happened, my dear? How come you're here?” My father asked me in a worried tone.
“I don't know, father, I'm just so sad, I feel so bad, I don't think I can carry on and fulfill my marriage with Krish with the same trust and respect anymore.”
“Today, we had organized a get-together at our home, and well, I couldn't handle so much crowd, and I messed up a lot in a lot of things, Father!”
I exclaimed, looking down at the floor.
“Dear daughter, I was so worried when I first saw you here, and this is all that happened?”
“No! No father, I mean yes, I'm sad because I messed up, but something else happened after everyone left, because of which I'm here.”
“After everyone left, I felt guilty of the mess I had created, hence, I thought I should apologize to my mother-in-law for my carelessness.”
“But father, when I was just about to open the door of her room, I overheard a conversation between her and my husband, father, everything she said to him about me sounded so negative and demeaning!”
“She said that I'm not good at anything and blamed me for not giving enough time to the household chores. She said that I'm irresponsible and if I wish to be a good housewife and a good housemaker, I need to quit my job and start planning for my future with my family.
“But, father, the one thing that hurt me the most is that Krish said nothing! Nothing at all in my defense! In that moment, standing there alone, I just felt so helpless, and then in the very next moment, I decided to come to you. So, here I am...”
Father looked down for a couple of minutes and then softly said,
“Dear daughter, I think you overheard a conversation and you should simply forget about it, you should forget about what happened, apologize to your mother-in-law and make peace with Krish, my advice to you, my baby, is that there's no point to cry over spilt milk!”
“Are you saying this, Father? So, you're suggesting that I should just sacrifice my self-respect? Should I stop dreaming? I shouldn't pursue my dreams? I should just blindly listen to everyone else, but not my heart? Father? Are you suggesting that I just put up an act of pretentiousness?”
“Sneha, my baby, I believe that right now only one thing can truly comfort you, and there's only one thing that will show you the right path. Wait for me, dear daughter, I'll be back in a minute or two.”
Father exclaimed and left.
I was very surprised when he went into the room where he used to keep all the precious belongings of my late mother.
I was eagerly waiting in the hall to know what my father was talking about. he came with a book in his hands, which appeared to be quite old and worn out.
My father gave me that book and said that it was the personal diary of my mother.
“Sneha, I want you to read this diary of your mother, she has written this diary specially for you and asked me to hand it to you whenever I felt the need to do so!”
“Also, my child, I have already placed a bookmark in the diary to make it easy for you, so just start reading from there, my love. Okay?”
He said with a warm smile.
Father placed the diary in my hands and left the house, saying that he would be back in a few hours.
I just couldn't control my tears as it was such an overwhelming feeling for me, in those moments, I missed my mother so much!
I couldn't imagine that my mother wrote a whole diary for me and that she knew how much I would miss her and need her when she's gone. I could do nothing in that moment but miss her and thank God for the book I had in my hand.
I opened the diary and flipped pages, as I opened the page where the bookmark was placed by my father, and started reading...
Oh, my Lovely daughty, my pretty baby, my shining star, my pride and joy, my dearest daughter Sneha.
I believe that today is the day for you to learn quite a few things about yourself. Your father truly, truly knows me and you in and out, he knows what I mean and even what I don't, without the need for me even expressing it through words. I can say this, my love, because I believe he must have understood you the same way he understands me now, and would have guided you to this part of my diary, isn't it?
So, my baby, what happened? Why do you feel helpless? What makes you feel hopeless, my daughty?
Look, my love, no one ever said that the world is a good place to live in. The world works as you perceive it. It'll make you feel lonely and hopeless all the time, but you will have to gather courage to rise above all and keep moving forward.
I also believe that if you're reading this passage of my diary, then you must be struggling with issues related to self-worth and your position as a girl in this male-dominated society.
Well, Sneha, as you grow old, you'll have to learn to adjust and adapt. Which means that sometimes you will have to listen to what others have to say and maybe adhere to them as well. But I want to tell you my love that listening to others, compromising, and finding a middle ground, doesn't mean that you're losing yourself or sacrificing your self-worth. It's often a sign of maturity and strength!
My dear daughter, Life is full of surprises, beautiful moments, and experiences, and sometimes they require us to be flexible and understanding. You need to understand that it shouldn't always be about asserting your way, but rather about finding balance and harmony in your relationships.
One thing you should always remember is that being considerate of others and doing the right thing never diminishes your value or identity. But instead, what it shows is how capable you are of having empathy, compassion, tenderness, kindness, and wisdom!
The one thing life has taught me is that life is a very delicate balance of give and take. I remember there were so many times that I had to adjust my plans and desires in order to accommodate the needs of others, but this process of adjustment also brought me closer to the people I loved and cared for.
My beautiful daughter, if you're ever stuck between choosing yourself and being true to yourself or being considerate of others, you need to know that you can always be both! You can always be strong and confident with a constant spark of gentleness and humility in your character.
Life is a beautiful tale, my love, and I wish for you to live in it with an open heart and mind! I know my baby that it'll be hard for you, after I'm gone, you'll miss me every day, and after some time when you're used to living without me, there'll come days, when there's nothing you would want more than just a tight hug from your Mumma. I feel sorry for my baby that in all those moments of loneliness, I won't be there to comfort and console you, but my shining star, I promise you that, like my words helped you today, they’ll always help you that way in your entire journey of ups and downs.
I'll always love you, my baby, and I'll be there for you no matter what. Maybe not physically and emotionally, but always through my words, I'm leaving behind for you.
Oh, how happy and teary I was after reading the passage from my mother's diary. It completely changed my perspective towards everything at once!
I realized how important it is as a woman to know my worth and value myself. I understood that the world will leave no opportunities to pull me down and crush my self-confidence, what I needed to know and do is to always face every challenge life throws at me with a smiling face and a brave heart.
Amongst everything, the one thing that amazed me the most was that every word mother had written was just so true and relatable. Although she had written this diary for me years ago, she knew that this would happen with me one day. It felt as if she was present in every moment, I could feel and see my life through her words!
People say that the world is evolving, developments are taking place, women are given equal rights, etc, etc, etc... Whereas the truth is that the world always was, is, and will be a place dominated by men, and we women must live in it, and make our own identity and place.
As I closed my mother's diary. I felt a sense of peace and relief wash over me. The conversation I overheard, which led to the words I read and the lessons they taught me, everything just swirled together in a beautiful, bewildering dance.
Now that I look back at what happened, I realize that sometimes the things we aren't meant to hear teach us the most about living! In one way or another!
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